Arthur C Clarke must be spinning in his grave. He has been upstage by Indian cricket, years after penning his famous Stanley Kubrick produced 2000: A Space Odessey. Let me explain:

2000 runs is the magic number I believe the BCCI are striving towards in their bollywood re-formatting of Test cricket. If the first test in Chennai is anything to go by, this will soon be reached in a single Test, to the delight of those fireworks addicts and a giddy-crowd pleasers, the BCCI.

To South African Test cricket fans, Test cricket is supposed to be just that, 'a test'. The test is between bat and ball where the bowlers and batsmen should have a fair old go at each other in an evenly matched contest. Not a one-sided affair where coy batsmen suddenly turn into super stars.

'We all know the Indians love their ODIs but do we really need to turn Test cricket into ODI cricket?'


The BCCI in the Chennai Test between India and South Africa, designed a pitch on which an obscene number of runs (1500 in five days) were clocked up. An Indian version of P T Barnums Wild West Cowboy Show, or just another Bollywood bang-bang club show?

To me this is like staging an ATP Mixed Doubles Tennis extravaganza where a blindfolded Roger Federer plays with Anna Kournikova. Yes, fans would line up to watch, but is it tennis?

Or where the PGA design a golf course where Eagles are the norm and the entire field comes hnome in 36-under par. Great stuff, if that's golf? We all know the Indians love their ODIs but do we really need to turn Test cricket into ODI cricket?

I believe contempt should be heaped on the BCCI for the Chennai disaster. Yes, we did see Virender Sehwag performing like a star; yes, we did see Dravid go to his 10,000 runs. But was it for real? My grandmother could have batted all day on that pitch, so what's the big deal. A designer pitch for Dravid, maybe?

All the bowlers were really made to look like fools. The Indian bowlers enjoyed the same lashing and Sehwag was probably the only benefitiary on a gift pitch on Day 3. Runs came like manna from heaven!

If the BCCI continues with this type of '2000 - Out of Space' Test cricket, we could all save ourselves four days and go to a Twenty20. Bleeeeauch !

I doubt the BCCI will be swayed from its Bollywood approach to Test cricket, but believe cricket conniseurs will agree, the Chennai Test will be remembered as a bore draw pitch designed by the Indians to give themselves a wee look at the South Africans in a safe, sterile environment. Be sure the groundsman was ordered to add feathers to the bedsprings in his preparations!

Fortune favours the brave, and the Indians will need to come out of hiding sooner or later because as long as their groundsmen produce comfort-zone feather-bed pitches, the South Africans are going to score big enough totals to ensure you have only a draw by the end of day pne, and the BCCI will waste four days of my interest.

I think Graeme Smith is laughing. He's seen the Indians enjoy three days in the field in hot as hell conditions, for absolutely nothing. Well, actually, Smith can tick one Away Draw off his list, and the Indians are putting more of their eggs into Tests two and three. I hope we aren't building up for controversy and see another win-at-all-costs  manufactured in India by the BCCI.